I’ve been looking in the mirror for so long.
That I’ve come to believe my souls on the other side.
Oh the little pieces falling, shatter.
Shards of me,
To sharp to put back together.
To small to matter,
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.
If I try to touch her,
And I bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe no more.

Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well.
Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child.
Lie to me,
Convince me that I’ve been sick forever.
And all of this,
Will make sense when I get better.
I know the difference,
Between myself and my reflection.
I just can’t help but to wonder,
Which of us do you love.
So I bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe now...
Bleed,
I bleed,
And I breathe,
I breathe,
I breathe-
I breathe no more.

Breathe No More - Evanescence

kickin' it back

I'm kickin' it back.. laying down on the ground and letting my hair loose... I want to watch the clouds this weekend.. I wish I could.. maybe I should escape and go to Echo Park.. I miss those days...

never imagined..

I've never been the type of girl everyone notices at a party, never been the popular one coz of my looks which never bothered me.. I'd rather get by with my humor and being the funny one, than the pretty one.. I never considered lathering my face with multitudes of creams, moisturizers and foundations all the days of my life..  maybe once or twice i tried them then i broke out in not only pimples but rashes as well.. so I only paint my face when I go out for gimiks =) syempre klangan maganda din naman ako no hehehe.. hence the multitude freckles and sun spots on my face... yes, i put sunblock on my face, that's the only thing that doesn't give me pimples...

this now brings me to my point.. how did it happen that all of a sudden they are paying attention to me? maybe all the popular girls are either married already or have long time bfs and since I'm not I'm their last chance for at least sanity hahaha...it still amazes me that all these guys are looking at me.. it's weird.. ey i know i'm pretty in my own right.. but not to this level.. i feel like i'm so beautiful.. hmmm did cutting my hair make me more marketable? or is it just that everyone is running out of options and i'm the best catch in the market right now... makes you wonder...

top this

As
the saying goes once you go black you never go back... oppps don't let
your mind wander to far.. I'm speaking in terms of my car.. I drove the
12 passenger van we rented over the weekend and it was lite and it
almost seemed that you were driving a car on a high chair because
everything was elevated and way up there.. hehehe.. so now I returned
it and as I sat there in my car I now only named Grace, I felt she
wasn't big enough for me anymore bwahaha... oh well that's life.. next
agenda: buy a 12 passenger van hahaha...  NOT, I'm not that crazy to
buy a freaking gas guzzler as big as King Kong hahaha.. but it sure
does feel like you're very powerful with the 12 passenger van...

Had so much fun in san francisco again.. it's my third time to be there
already and have fun with all the ARPP/Badlands/Cafe/Castro guys hahaha.. oh
but this time it was special 'coz I was with the Rage gang.. so it was
Los Angeles goes to San Francisco... and it was extra special 'coz it
was Jaysson's and VJ's bday... and we were there to dance the night
away...

Jaysson drove the first leg of the trip. We left L.A. at 8:30 on Friday and we were off.. we arrived San Mateo at around 3am, checked in the hotel and trued to sleep until 8am. Yes, I tried but I was making my usual phone call to the other part of the universe and slept at 4am. Tired and sleepy we had to wake up at 8 'coz the star brothers and sisters (their surname's bituin hehehe) was ready at
exactly 8am. yeah yeah yeah.. jaysson set the time(bitch!) hahaha.. I
drove our way around San Francisco so Ross could drive the last leg...

I was sad that last day going home I thought we weren't gonna have our
usual 10sec 10pic shots anymore coz there were just 9 of us.. but lo
and behold on our way home albert and the gang calls me to meet them at
ocean beach.. yay it was like 10-15 mins away wahoo.. so there we were
taking the 10sec 10pic shots hehehe.. pictures at olliemau.multiply.com ...
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Priceless Moments #1:

Going to San Francisco on a van(gas, van rental, hotel): $1035

Bay Bridge Toll Fee: $4

San Francisco Toll Fee: $5

De Young/ Conservatory of Flowers Parking Fee: $3

Paying $3 to go to the restroom at the De Young Museum 'coz the conservatory of flowers was 5 blocks away: Priceless

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Priceless Moments #2:

Badlands Entrance: $3

Cafe Entrance: $3

Comsilog at Lucky Chances at 5am the next day: $10

Ate and Leika fighting about Tocino and "Marinated Pork" while everyone was looking at the menu for marinated pork": Priceless

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except for some people who kept inviting us to go to their house even before we got to san fran(or even while planning this whole freaking thing) for their bday where they kept cancelling last minute(kaya daw napanis ung pansit, tse!) and take note we were already there and they didn't even bother to answer
the freaking phone to tell us no don't come to our apt anymore and they
knew we were they and they didn't even bother to tell us how to get
through the freaking gate until someone else taught us how to open it..
and yes another quiz at the freaking door, how do we get in.. pleaze
they wasted out 30 mins already which made us late in going home...
aside from all this bullshit, yeah you know who you are.. tao kaming
humaharap sa inyo para d nyo masabi na hindi kami dumating.. sana tao
din kayong magpakita kahit makipag-plastikan lang kayo.. kasi kami kung
d lang talaga nyo kami gusto makita hindi naman talaga kami pupunta
dyan....we had fun... without you.... so top that...

Quotes for the night:

Mari: kala ko ba dalagang pilipina ka...pokpok ka din pala (kasi naman may ka-eb kagad, kakadating lang ng frisco nyan ha...sino kaya un hahaha...)

Ate(in a mataray voice): wag na muna kayo umorder ng drinks nyo mamaya na...(ay d naman siya galit)

Leika(comsilog ang order-2 combinations of meat, sinangag at itlog): I want the longganisa and "marinated pork"..."marinated pork"..."marinated pork" (marinated pork nga naman kasi ang naka-lagay sa menu kayo talaga)

Ate(ulit): Tocino.. tocino.. tocino nga...(ay ayaw ng marinated pork hahaha)

Albert's old posse: ganyan ka na.. hindi ka na namamansin (ay loves ka pa nya hahaha... kasi naman daming kasamang girls e...)

VJ: Alam mo namang masama loob ko kagabi pa tapos d ka pa makikipagkita... I'M SORRY.... (bakla ka nadali mo ko dito kala ko umiiyak ka talaga)

home

It doesn't take much to make me happy... just seeing my family happy is
reason enough for me.. lately I've been longing to go back home... I still
call the Philippines my home after being here for almost 7 years
already... weird huh but until I have all my family here I will call it
home.. I long for the day I can wake up and hear laughter or crying in
the house because of my brother's kids.. I long for the day I can see
them everyday... I long for the day I can reach out and hug my brother
once again and bother him once in a while.. I'm homesick...sometimes
pictures are not enough...