men and their tools...

I love how men given a nice camera will take a lot of pictures of their gf/wife at any setting and at any time...and mind you they not only point and shoot, they know how to bring out the beauty in the surroundings that highlight their wives/gf... now where do i find that kind of guy...

Downtown...

After running few errands yesterday I went to downtown to visit my old boss.. Walking down the halls made me feel like I still worked there.. the same old people greeted me hi and asked how I was.. it was nice.. I felt like I wanted to belong there again.. but then again NOT... as usual on a very unusual day I found angels everywhere... I call them my angels 'coz they never cease to amaze me how every time I needed cheering up they are there.. and on this particular day I was very happy.. woke up happy, the sun was shining and everything felt good.. I had the law of attraction working with me...Even though I had one minor glitch everything seemed to move into place...


Started off by going to my orthodontist to have him look and see if finally he has decided to remove my braces which seems to just give me a scratched and bruised mouth these days.. what's new? ever since I got them it's been that way.. I think I have calluses in my mouth already hahahaha...


Went to the bank to deposit my checks.. I know I've been slacking and forgot to deposit last month's pay check hehehe... opppss.. then there I was I forgot the envelope in my other bag... had to go back home to get them but hey, it's a very wonderful glorious day and I wanted to be out in the sun.. and there you go I got my wish hehehe... so off I went.. home and back again...


On my way to the salon I saw this rather older guy staring at me.. I started fussing with my face in fear of having something there that I didn't see.. something probably from the dental appointment hehehe...ewww... but no, he had this appreciative glance then he said hi.. i'm like wow there goes my first angel... ego booster hehehe.. then at the salon I met Jasmine's mom, tita was saying how I looked good, wow and I haven't even had my eyebrows done yet.. angel #2.. she was saying that she was glad I was happier now and how things are falling into place.. that I looked better off without my ex... I told her I'd rather not talk about him and care about him anymore... she told me how she liked my outlook better now... nice... thanks tita..


I had to hurry off 'coz I was bringing my mom lunch so I sped off to buy Jollibee chicken joy and siopao from Chowking.. I know Filipino restaurants huh hehehe... I love it.. even though Jollibee upped their prices and it's not worth to eat there anymore.. but hey I'm bringing my mom lunch, so only the best for my mom =).... and I was home again for the 2nd time just to drop of some food...


I parked 3 blocks away from my old building to save money which I think killed my feet hahaha...The parking attendant was nice enough not to be rude when I asked for a discount, which I didn't get but still at least he didn't ruin my day... so off I went in my cutoff jeans and layered top to meet my old boss...


Angel #3. Lupe saw me walking toward our old office and she hollered at me to see if it was really me, so we got to talking about my new work and all that.. she made me smile alot when I still used to work with my boss she calls "grouch".. that alone made me smile.. at least I'm not the only one who thought he was grouchy hahaha...


Met with my boss and Jaysson who acted like he didn't know me.. tse hahaha.. just kidding hahaha... anyway had a pleasant time there talking about my boss and his baby and his wife... I saw he was stressed but he was coping.. not like before when he used to scream everyday.. whew good thing I'm out of there...


Angel #4. Rinatte and I became friends better than when we used to work together...I couldn't stand her bossy little ass before but now we call each other bi*tch so we're good.. it's always nice to visit with her.. and congratulations!!! she is now engaged.. get married already and invite me hahaha...


Angel #5. I saw him as I was going to Abba(he's a jeweler me and my boss call dad hehehe). He was staring just like the old dude.. then he was smiling telling me I looked good.. I got flattened errr.. flattered 'coz it came from someone I didn't know.. then he stopped and asked me "can I be your bf?".. that made my smile wider.. yeah buddy that's the way to pick up girls hahaha.. but hey I didn't do anything special, I just took a bath hahaha.. so I walked on and went into Abba's office where I was showered with more praises and happy greetings... these are my pips hahaha...


yes, I miss being in dowtown with all my angels.. oh wait I have angels in the library too.. but that's another blog altogether hehehe...


thank you Lord for making my day....


Trivia: What's the difference between dowtown and the library?
Nothing 'coz I have the Armenians complaining about their fines, Indians who are quietly doing their business in the library, sans turban and long beards coz I encounter kids mostly, then I have the Jewish people who seem to know everything, the Spanish people who just like the Filipinos are happy, noisy people.. the only perk I have from the library aside from the unlimited resource on books is working with the kids.. I love having them around me and working with them.. I have my crew already, Jorge, Elmer and I forgot her name.. they hang around for scary stories hehehe...=)

Waited by the phone all day
Thinkin' that you'd call
But you never did, oh no
You are different from before
Now you made me insecure
Like you never did, oh no


Tell me it's not over now, will you?
So I won't be hangin' around
And you won't see me crying


Ooh, ooh


Oh, girl, you've got it wrong
You've been thinking all along
But I've really changed, oh babe
My love's been knockin' at your door
Do you hear it?
Do you really, really care?


Tell me it's not over now, will you?
So I won't be hangin' around
And you won't see me crying


Ooh, ooh


Take me into your sweet loving arms
Let's make love like we've never done before
Like we've never done before


Tell me it's not over now, will you?
So I won't be hangin' around
And you won’t see me crying..


Tell me it's not over now, will you?
say you love me say it loud


Say you love me say it loud
And you won’t see me crying
You won’t see me crying


you won't see me crying - passage

my own backyard....

I know I haven't been happy lately and more and more I've been itching to go to San Francisco more often than I am supposed to.. the pull is so strong a lot of people wonder if I have a lover tucked somewhere out there.. maybe San Francisco is my lover...

Let me count how many times I've been there last year...
5-31-08 San Francisco Weekend- where I met VJ(the love of my life if he were straight-er) hehehehe...
6-28-08 to 6-29-08 San Francisco Pride/Getaway
8-2-08 to 8-3-08 Rage gang goes to visit the Castro gang
12-20-08 to 12-21-08  Christmas visit with the Castro gang ang Thesz and John


omg I thought I was there more times than I should have been but hey 4 is a big number hahaha.. then again I went there just last week 1-17-09 to 1-19-09 to visit my best friend LJ from Canada.. we had a blast.. I know I said it in my previous blog already but I can't get enough of the fact that now I really know the ins and outs of San Francisco... we did it by bart and muni.. and it was way too much fun I can't stop speaking about it...


So now I wonder why can't I have the same feeling here in L.A. why can't I be happy in my own backyard? maybe because the train system here is f*ckd up? or maybe it's just me... I just feel like the train doesn't really reach the very important parts of the city.. or maybe I just haven't been on the train like I've been in San Francisco.. let me add that to my things to do.. ride the Metro Train for a day and be like a tourist... that would be fun.. I can't wait.. but sometimes it's more fun when you get lost with someone...


Don't get me wrong I have lot's of friends here in L.A. but lately everyone has a thing of their own.. I don't blame them.. we always had a thing of our own before and met up once in a while.. maybe I'm just bored and I have nothing to do.. my schedule s*cks right now and I go home at 8pm some nights which messes u my gym schedule and my routines.. maybe I should start swimming again.. that usually calms me down.. or revs me up whatever way you want to look at it...


oh speaking of being bored I have a winter sport lined up every wednesday, bowling, hehehe... yeah I know lame hahahaha... I don't like being out in the cold unless John and Tats can convince me to go skiing one of these days.. I hate the cold and the minimal time it takes for me to run from my car to the parking lot is enough for me to get cold hahahaha.... I know I should be acclimatized by now but hell no.. my body temp I think is still longing for the Phils. temp...


I just hope it gets warmer soon.. I know we need the rain, rain is good, rain helps the environment but can't it be summer already... summer summer summer... maybe I should make a sun dance just like the rain dance hahahaha...


oh speaking of backyards i think the grass is always greener on somebody else's backyard... so the allure might be there for san francisco only 'coz I don't live there.. I hate the rain and it rains there half the time.. icks, talk about cold weather...

torniquet

I tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
so much more
I lay dying
and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am I too lost to be saved
am I too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

do you remember me
lost for so long
will you be on the other side
or will you forget me
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
am I too lost to be saved
am I too lost?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

I want to die!!!

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

my wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will I be denied Christ
tourniquet
my suicide

Torniquet - Evanescence

comforting...

San Francisco will always hold a special place in my heart, far as it may be, the magnetic pull will always be there for me whenever i need to relax, have fun or just plain recover.. there is something magical about the way San Francisco is, busy with all the tourists around.. and of course there are my friends.. some i've known years and some i've knows months..

I just spent 2 days there yet I feel like it's been a week.. I love how you can ride the train and the bus to anywhere inside the city.. and yes this time around I am the tourist guide again... but we opted to take the tourist route, meaning no car just the bart and the muni to take us everywhere... which i will tell you is way too much fun than just driving your car to get to everywhere.. where you'll have fun in spending time with your friends... i missed riding the bus back home... that's where you bond with your friends, learn more about them and get to say more than hello and hi...

LJ came to San Francisco and we had fun, walking 4 blocks hillside all the way to Lombard then back down again... eating 3 times in 1 night... having drinks.. talking about life (mostly mine).. and spending time with mari... I hope he had fun... lipat ka na kasi dito from Canada hahaha...

comforting as San Francisco may be(I will be there again soon, and mari let's not drive)  landing in LAX on a sunny tuesday morning brought me the feeling of being home.. I am home.. this is where I love to be, with the sun shining brightly, crazy drivers about in the streets, my family... that is all that is important.. I can't wait to show them what I got them from frisco...

and yes somehow i'm getting there.. i'm recovering...

when...

... do you know when to step out of the cloud that you have been hiding from?

... do you know when to just shrug it off as another sunny day gone bad?

... do you learn to forget?

... do you give second chances?

... do you learn to just walk away...

waves...

it comes in waves, the pain

each one bigger than the last

when you think you had the greatest blow

it comes back... never a lull...

Pick on me

Did I upset some cosmic balance and tip off the bad scales in my direction? Is there a big sign on my forehead that reads "PICK ON ME" or "F*CK WITH ME, I'LL TAKE ON ANYTHING"?

All week ever since this year started I've been picked on, reprimanded and f*cked with big time. The question is what did I do?

Did I jump from one boiling pot to another? Did I get myself into much deeper sh*it than I was supposed to? I believe that things happen for a reason but sometimes whatever reason it might be why is it that you have to feel you're being f*cked up while it is happening? Why can't life be easy?

This is not my week....

B1 and B2

I was just thinking about nicknames I've given out to people and my most favorite one is B1 and B2... the letter B stands for so  many nice and nasty words I can think of its so much fun to use.. but before I get into my nicknames let me ask you this, everyone has questioned ernie and bert's credibility being that 2 men were living together.. alot of people have questioned the teletubbies credibility too as being normal kids(as if they were normal, please, can you see anyone around you having a tv in their tummy and singing kids songs, please).. how about B1 and B2(they're the bananas in pajamas), are they twins, brothers or just friends living together and just being in their pajamas all the time hahaha.. ok ok enough bs...

the nicknames:

Bitch 1 and Bitch 2: me and Brenda

Bitch 1 and Bastard 2: me and LJ

B1 and B2: my kuyas, John and Tats(ok i know this is corny it just clicked, please don't tats me hehehehehe..tse)

Bossy 1 and Bossy 2: old work related stuff I can't disclose here hahaha... or maybe I can and they're not here anymore bwahahaha..

but come to think of it in that kids show i don't like B1 and B2 I like the sneaky, nasty, crafty, sometimes nice Rat they call Doding Daga in the Philippines... I always like the villains in these kids shows hahaha.. just like I love the twoheaded monster and oscar the grouch in sesame street...

the fog..

Living in california for the past 7 years I never understood the purpose of the fog lamp, the high beams thingies and all those gadgets in my car, we live in cali where it's always sunny, until last new year's day... reiven and i were driving to my best friends house in anaheim from los angeles and lo and behold there was the fog descending upon us... where it came from who knows, i know i didn't listen to the weather channel that day so it was my fault.. it was creepy... it was just like the movie happening right in front of me.. and yet there i was driving on the I-5 freeway on a cold, roadless fog-y night seemingly going nowhere trying to get to apple's house... i couldn't even see the cars in front and at the back of my car.. except for this one crazy stupid driver who kept weaving in and out of the other cars....

it was like i was suspended in time and in the air.. it felt silent hill scary where stuff is going to come out of the fog and eat you alive.. brrrr....and where you think you've gone somewhere yet you're still just there.. in silent hill....

at least it wasn't raining...

crunchy memories

I love how maple leaves are crunchy when you step on them.. reminds me of trees back home when they start to shed their leaves, which I can't seem to remember when.. but I remember the trees in our old house in pasig before... big macopa and santol trees.. they were yummy when they bore fruit... it's funny sometimes when i try to remember sometimes it's only the childhood memories i remember.. sometimes I feel like I slept through high school and college.. I can't remember huge chunks of my past.. well the older i get i can't seem to remember the past ten years of my life.. i'm on my 7th year going on 8th here in the united states and yet 7 years ago was so far and i can't remember what happened then... sometimes snippets of bad memories come rushing in.. and then some good ones.. sometimes i feel like a zombie just going through everyday.. do I ever remember anything anymore?