Times like these when you are lying on an examination table having someone take an echo of your heart you think, 'what if they find something?' Then you think some more and say to yourself, 'I don't want to die.'
Some days though I think I do, I just want someone just throw a big rock on me so I can get squished ala Looney Toons Wile E. Coyote style when the pain is so intense I can't even sleep. There are days that I just want to give up. I feel helpless, useless and out of options. I know I don't have cancer and I hope I don't because I don't think I'm brave enough to deal with it.
I'm scared.
